Dealing with mistakes (1)

In the next few posts, I’ll be writing on the topic of making mistakes. It’s a common issue for students – how to speak better, and how to minimise the mistakes they’re making, but it also goes deeper than just talking about ‘making mistakes’.

This week someone from Paris kindly gave me some feedback on an issue they feel is important. Here’s what they wrote:

“Actually, I need help! I find it difficult to speak English like native speakers, even though my level is advanced , but I still don’t know how to speak quickly without taking too much time to think about what I’ll say next, and without making mistakes. I’ve asked so many teachers on twitter about this problem, and their answer was “you have to find a partner and chat with him in English”. It’s hard for me to find a partner, because no one in my family can speak English very well, they make mistakes when they talk and I don’t want to chat with someone who make mistakes like me, I’ll feel like I will stay at my place and I’ll not make any changes. That’s my problem, sorry, it was long but I wanted you to know my situation so that you could help me with the right method. Thank you.”

In terms of talking about mistakes, I’m definitely going to go into more specifics later on, but today, what I think is the best place to start when looking at this:

A success mindset, making mistakes, and learning to fly

When you speak with someone in English, what is your goal or purpose? What are you thinking? What is your attitude to this interaction?

Take a moment to reflect on this, as what you put into an interaction becomes a significant factor in what you get out of it.

Mistakes and dealing with them are an important part of learning. But in the moment what is more important: interacting well with the other person or focussing on ‘speaking without mistakes’?

The problem with worrying about your mistakes is that it can create anxiety, it can make you more afraid to speak and interact with others.

There’s a time and place for everything, and focussing too much on ‘speaking accurately’ is not the best way to have a successful interaction with someone.

The right time to look at the mistakes you might be making is when you are with your teacher or when you are studying quietly at home.

It’s not when you are out and about and using the language.

Where’s your focus?
If you are on a date, for example, and you just want to have fun and find out more about the girl or guy you just met, you’ll be able to be present in the moment. You’ll be listening better to what they’re saying, and you’ll be able to respond to their comments and jokes. You’ll communicate to them and to yourself that you’re a fun person who’s interested to meet new people. Ultimately, you’ll come across as more attractive.

On the other hand, let’s say you are a little nervous. Perhaps you haven’t had a date for a while. Added to that, you’re speaking a foreign language, and you are worried about making mistakes. It makes you feel anxious, and as a result you’re concentrating on what you want to say, rather than having a fluent, fluid, natural interaction.

Which mindset will create a better interaction: the focus on a wider goal (eg to have a fun interaction) or on being accurate and ‘correct’?

Which interaction will get you a second date?

I understand that if you’re in business, you might say: “but I want to make sure I use the right words and not make mistakes so that I can agree a contract with a potential client.” I get what you’re saying, but again, look at your intention. Is your intention to have an interaction with this potential client and find out their needs, and how much they’ll be prepared to pay for your services, or is it simply focussing on what *you* want to tell them?

Of course, if you have a business meeting, you’ll do your planning, but in the moment, you’ll want to learn about what they want to achieve, for example, and for you to present your case as to how you or your company can best provide the service they’re looking for. The wider focus will still be to listen to them, and to understand their needs.

The success mindset
A number of studies and books have discussed what makes a successful learner. For example, Carol Dweck wrote about how people that see learning as a journey, and that mistakes are a healthy part of learning, make more progress. Those focussing on outcomes tend not to make as much progress.

Mistakes are a natural part of learning. Imagine you’re building a model plane. You’re not going to make it ‘perfectly’ on the first go. You’re going to make mistakes, but you’ll take the feedback from these mistakes, and make the plane better with each go.

You’re learning to fly. Even Superman needed to practice a few times before he took off into the sky.

Photo credits

Image NASA (no known copyright)