Stop ‘practising English’ and get real!

For a while, Tania and Marketa were friends. Tania was an English teacher, a colleague of mine at a language school here in Prague, and Marketa was a student in her advanced class. Over time they started to go out together after class and occasionally at weekends. They went to the cafe, they went shopping, they talked about the boys they liked. They got on really well, Tania said.

Then, one day, over a coffee, Marketa told her:

“It’s so great spending this time with you, Tania. It’s just like a free lesson!”

For Marketa, the time she was spending with Tania was like ‘fun English practice.’ Meanwhile, Tania thought she’d found a real friend.

But the whole thing was a lie, basically.

After that coffee, Tania no longer spent time with Marketa.

Don’t be the English Practice Girl (or Guy)

Most people out there are good folks, but sadly, there are a few who spend time with us mostly just to improve their level of English.

I’m advising you today – don’t be this person. It’s dishonest and manipulative, and eventually the other person will see this.

I think every English speaker in Prague has at some point experienced this. We believe we’ve found a sincere friend when in reality it was just an English Practice Friend.

So it raises the question – are you honest? Would you prefer to have an honest or a dishonest relationship with an English speaker?

Of course, most people will say they are honest and that they want genuine, open relationships, as we all like to believe we’re good, sincere people.

But in practice it’s not so clear. From my experience, I’ve had a few cases where I stopped contacting someone because of this issue. For example:

• I’ve gone out with a girl who asked me a few times to correct her grammatical mistakes. I thought we were meeting up to get to know each other, but she saw it as a mini-lesson, and that was the last time we went out together.

• I’ve had a date with a girl who, before we even sat down and ordered drinks, was already asking me about the IELTS English exam! It turns out that she had the exam following week, wasn’t interested at all in a relationship with me, but wanted to get some exclusive exam tips before the big day.

• During my zouk lessons, and at zouk parties last year, there was one guy who always spoke to me in English. It was just so weird – I’d join a table of 3-4 Czechs at a club, strike up some small talk in Czech, but he always spoke back in English. I think he was trying to impress one of the girls that he spoke English and to show that he was ‘intelligent’ but nothing happened with the girl, and I thought he was rude and ignorant.

“What should I do then if I want to improve my English? Didn’t you tell me to go out and speak English?!”

If you seriously just want English practice, then be honest about it. Don’t pretend to be someone’s friend if that is not what you want.

But more importantly, focus on building genuine, real friendships with people you’d like to get to know. After all, isn’t that why you’re even learning a foreign language, to have healthy, enjoyable, meaningful relationships with foreigners?

How to get on better with English speakers in Prague:

1. Be clear with what you want. If you want to improve your English, tell the American or Brit you just met that this is your goal. Then find out if there’s a way that you can help them in some way. Perhaps you can suggest that you two meet up and swap English conversation for Czech? Perhaps the English girl needs some assistance with finding a flat? Maybe that American guy’s in a new country and would like to meet some local people – so invite him to a bunch of parties!

So you’re making it clear that you enjoy speaking English, but you’re also thinking about things from their perspective.

You’re starting in an honest way, and this paves the way for the relationship to develop if you two find out later on that you have more and more in common.

2. Don’t speak English automatically to us. We are in the capital city of the Czech Republic, the official language of this country is Czech, and even after living here for 14 years, I still get people who hear my accent and speak to me automatically in English. It instantly tells me you are probably not interested in a real friendship, or that you not so patient with my Czech.

So instead, start the conversation in Czech, or at least ask first which language you guys should be speaking in:

“Shall we speak Czech or English? Or maybe a bit of both.”

Regrettably, very few people do this, but if you do, then you’ll be the memorable exception. It’s polite and you’ll be making a very positive impression straight off the bat!

3. Hang out only with foreigners you like and want to get to know. I have heard some stories over the years where a Czech girl has gone out with a more successful, older expat guy mostly for English conversation, but where he thinks he has a chance with her. He buys her drinks, they chat, and..that’s it. She’s not interested in anything more, but he thinks something will happen further down the line.

In this case, the guy should know better and stop seeing her, and the girl is wasting everyone’s time. Your life will be better by spending time with the people you want to get to know, and not because they can offer you English or something material like drinks, dinner or gifts.

It’s actually the same situation that some of my students who have specialised professions experience. Some doctors have told me that there’s always that one person at a party who wants a free medical consultation, or the person with legal problems who asks the lawyer at a very inappropriate time about what they should do about an issue they’re having with their ex-wife or neighbour. 

So it goes beyond ‘English Practice.’ Perhaps the same girl who asked me to correct all her mistakes was also at that party with my doctor student, and has that rich friend she flirts with and who takes her to expensive dinners.

4. Get real!

Instead of asking English speakers about grammar or how to improve your performance in your university English exams, you have a remarkable opportunity to get to know people from all over the planet!

Prague is now on the world map, and every day new people arrive from the USA, Australia, Canada, the UK and many other nations.

Don’t you want to get to know them?!

Every day you walk past poets, singers, photographers, teachers, writers, explorers, travellers, and adventures from the whole globe – wouldn’t you like to talk to them and find out how they see the world?

And don’t you think they’re in your country and your city to get to know cool Czech people?

Maybe you can take them to a hidden laneway somewhere in the Old Town and imagine what it would be like to live here 200 years ago.

Perhaps you can both visit the Castle and pretend that you are King and Queen from another century.

Maybe there’s a garden that you have fond memories of from the time you were at school. The garden might have a story, and you can now pass it on to your new friend.

It’s most likely in the case of many Czech people that your mothers and fathers and grandparents didn’t get this opportunity to meet so many different kinds of people from all walks of life. Don’t waste it. The memories you have from getting to know new and exciting folks will make you far richer than someone who is just interested in ‘English Practice.’

So my advice is to get out there, have fun, get to know people, discover, excite, and be excited!